Bittersweet

Yesterday I said goodbye to my parents and siblings, and watched them tearfully say goodbye to my 19-month-old son. It hurt to say goodbye and to see the hurt reflected in the eyes and tears of those I love so dearly.


And yet, as much as the pain stung, I would not trade it for anything. For me, it’s a good kind of sadness, because it means I love deeply and am deeply loved. If my life did not include this sadness, it would mean that it lacked the depth and intensity of love that brings me such joy and happiness. There is sweetness to the pain, a beauty that gives texture and meaning to the word “bittersweet.”

I believe that there are many experiences in life that bring us emotions that are both painful and undeniably good; good in a way that is pure, right, and meaningful. When you witness an injustice and feel a profound anger that moves you to action, that anger is uncomfortable but also deeply good. When you say a final goodbye to a believer who has lived, loved, and served long and well, there is a joy to the farewell that exists amidst the tears. When you embark on a new adventure and step boldly into the unknown, there is excitement and energy existing alongside the fear and doubt.

It can be tempting to try to build a life where we do not experience uncomfortable emotions, where we try to block out as much sadness, anger, and fear as we possibly can. I see people try to build this life in several ways. Some people try to avoid all experiences that could trigger these emotions. They live as safe and small as possible, building walls against change, adventure, and depth of relationship. Others feel the tug of the emotions but deny their existence, choosing only to acknowledge and address the positive emotions. They try to only express and experience the emotions that feel good, effectively blunting both the painful and meaningful emotions. And, others try to anesthetize themselves against the pain, through addictions, distractions, and unawareness. By refusing to stop and feel, they avoid the pleasant and the unpleasant elements of their emotional experience.

And the truth is, if you block out the painful emotions, you block out the beautiful ones as well, at least in their most magnificent forms. It may not seem fair or fun, but it is how the heart works. The people who are the healthiest and most genuinely satisfied with their lives are the people who have learned to let in life’s deep experiences and relationships and the complex, integrated emotions that come with.

These people seem to know some secrets, some truths about living fully and living well. They do not try to ignore or minimize the intensity of the emotions, and they are able to step back from them and see them as what they are. They can see the beauty in the pain, the joy in the sadness, the righteousness in the anger, and the excitement in the fear. They see the good things wrought in the pain, and they see that the pain will not last forever. They have a perspective larger than the moment and larger than the pain. They also know that these emotions do not need to be felt and experienced alone. There is something indescribably powerful about sharing a strong emotional experience. We do not need to mourn, rage, or rejoice alone. We can do it alongside others. And, we can invite others to walk through difficult places with us, supporting us along the way.

And so, I encourage you to open your heart and your arms to scenes like the one my family played out at the airport yesterday. Open your eyes to the beauty that can exist right next to painful emotions. And, invite others to share these experiences with you. There is a deep goodness to be found.