Going Through

One of my favorite children’s books is “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt,” by Michael Rosen. The story tells of a father and his four brave children who cross all kinds of treacherous terrain in their search of a bear. Their refrain is:

We’re going on a bear hunt
We’re going to catch a big one
What a beautiful day
We’re not scared

In their journey they come across many obstacles- mud, a snowstorm, a forest, a river, a cave. At each obstacle they exclaim “Oh oh!” and then plunge ahead.

We can’t go over it
We can’t go under it
Oh no! We have to go through it

And they do.


Isn’t that what happens in any adventure that we undertake? A new job, a relationship, a big trip, a major life change? We see the adventure and we dare to move forward. And then we face obstacles, and they look scary. Romance is a thrilling proposition, but working through conflict can feel a lot like scrambling through a pit of mud. Becoming a parent can be one of the most thrilling experiences in life, but night after sleepless, fussy night can feel a lot like a deep, dark cave. Relationships are one of life’s greatest blessings, but facing a river of grief caused by loss or betrayal can be overwhelmingly painful.

And our tendency is to hide from these obstacles. They are hard, they are scary, and the process of going through them may not feel good. Have you ever played hide and seek with a two year old? They believe that if they can’t see you, you can’t see them. Some of the time they believe that if they are behind something (no matter how small a something) you can’t see them. Well, our hiding is about as effective. We avoid the conflicts in a friendship, but that does not make the conflict go away, and the relationship stays stuck, a frustrating source of stress and unhappiness. We feel called to a life change, maybe a move or change in vocation, but we ignore the call because we fear the difficulty inherent in such an uncertain transition.

But the brave little family in the story was on to something. Sometimes you cannot go over an obstacle, you cannot go under an obstacle, you just have to go through it. It’s true with emotions, with grief, with conflicts, and with trials. The only way out is through.


Perhaps you have been hiding and know that there is a conflict, emotion, or obstacle that you need to go through. Or perhaps you haven’t been given a choice, and you are currently in the “through.” What is helpful in times like this?

• Do not try to go through alone. When you feel vulnerable and overwhelmed it is particularly difficult to ask for support, and it is absolutely essential that you do so.


• Remember that you are going through something difficult, but there is another side to this. This will not last forever. A friend recently told me one of her favorite quotes: “Now is not forever.” This is certainly true from an eternal perspective, but it is (usually) true in an earthly perspective as well. You will laugh and enjoy the sun again.


• Be sure to take care of your basic needs: eat, sleep, and move. It takes energy to “go through.”


• Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one step at a time. Many times we feel totally incapable of handling a task or journey, but we can handle the immediate step we need to take.

Isaiah 43:2 says “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Maybe you can’t go over it. Maybe you can’t go under it. Maybe you have to go through it. But no matter what you are going through, you are not going through it alone.