Comparisons

My family and I live in an older home.  It’s nowhere near old enough to be historic or lovely and antiquey, but it’s definitely old enough to be outdated.   It’s not as spacious or well-decorated as I would like and our list of home improvement projects is long.  

That being said, I am generally quite content with our home.  It feels cozy to me.  I love how I can make dinner in the kitchen while watching my children play in the living room.  I love how living in it kind of feels like living in a tree house.

I usually feel quite content with our home, and very grateful for it.  That is, until I visit the much nicer home of a friend.  Until I visit my sister and once again see how new and fresh everything looks.  I begin the comparison game, and my tree house never wins.

It’s like that with so very many things.  We feel happy with our financial situation until we compare ourselves to someone who is doing better, to someone who has more.  Our car is just fine until it is parked next to a nicer one.  We feel like good parents or good partners until we see someone who is doing more and doing it better.

I’ve heard it said that comparison is the thief of joy.  We begin comparing and our joy slips right through our fingers.  The comparison game has two potential outcomes.  We compare ourselves to someone else and feel that we come out ahead.  We have better hair, a better figure, or our children are better behaved.  We win!  And yet, we still lose.  The act of comparison shrinks us, makes us smaller, meaner, and less gracious human beings.  It takes us away from relationships, away from kindness and generosity of spirit.  It steals our joy.

Or, we compare ourselves to others and feel that we come out behind.  The success or good fortune of someone else leaves us feeling like our lives are lacking.  We compare and we lose.  And we are left with dissatisfaction, discontentment, and unhappiness.  Once again, the act of comparison shrinks us and steals our joy.

It is hard to avoid the comparison game.  We all play it, and the more we engage in comparison, the more difficult it becomes to stop comparing.  We compare and lose and desperately seek a comparison where we come out ahead.  Or we compare and win and seek out the same short-lived high again.  And the more comparisons we make, the more dissatisfied we feel with our lives and with ourselves, and the less joy we feel.

If comparison is the thief of joy, than I believe that gratitude is the bearer of joy.  It is impossible to experience true gratitude without experiencing joy.  Gratitude is an exercise that can flood joy into our hearts and into our lives.  Being grateful for what we have, grateful for what we have been given, and grateful for the life we are living helps us to stop comparing.  It redirects our focus from what we do not have and onto what we have.  It opens the doors and windows wide so that joy can rush in.  The more that we say “thank you,” the more that we acknowledge the gifts and blessings present in each day, the more joy we experience.

Comparison steals joy.  Gratitude bears joy.  Choose gratitude.