When I am having a rough day I listen to James Taylor. It started my first year of graduate school, when I realized that James Taylor’s Greatest Hits CDs set the perfect backdrop for studying and paper-writing. The songs were familiar and comfortable, and provided background noise that comforted but did not distract. And now, years later, I still turn to those CDs on rough days, and they almost always help me feel better.
Listening to James Taylor CDs is on my list. As is praying, writing in my journal, lighting candles, drinking a good cup of coffee, calling a friend, going on a walk, reading, and taking a shower. These activities are all on my Take Care List, a list of activities that help me take good care of myself. I am a strong believer in these kinds of lists.
I believe that caring for yourself well can be a loving and socially responsible act. It can connect you to yourself and to God, and give you the energy and endurance that you need to love others well. When we are hungry, tired, cranky, or overwhelmed, we have less to offer those we love. And, when we are out of touch with our own heart, it is very challenging to be connected to someone else’s heart. We have limited resources, and we need to be refueled and recharged in order to most effectively love and serve the world around us.
What will refuel and energize you is unique. You may feel energized by time with people, or you may desperately crave time alone. Some people feel rejuvenated by spending time baking, while others find this a tedious chore. Listening to James Taylor may have the opposite effect on you that it has on me. However, it is extremely important that we learn to identify the things that give us energy and perspective, so that we can learn how to best care for ourselves.
Several weeks ago I was working with a very wise ten-year-old. He is in the midst of a season of change and transition, which is making it even more important that he take good care of him self. We were working on his list, and we had a lot of good ideas written down.
He surprised me by asked when we were going to make a list of things he should avoid. He told me that just like there were things he could do to make his anxiety and “yucky feelings” less intense, there were things he sometimes did that made these feelings more intense. He gave me the example of playing video games. “I love playing video games, but when I’m feeling the yucky feelings, video games make it worse. I need to stay away from them, or I start to feel out of control.” He added several other things to his Stay Away List, including being too busy, being around a big group of people, and watching intense movies or TV shows.
I was amazed by his insight. Just like there are things that we can do to help ourselves feel better, there are things we can avoid that can keep us from feeling worse. Identifying these things requires knowing ourselves and our preferences and understanding the impact that our choices have on our mood.
Sometimes the things on our Stay Away List are the things we find ourselves running to when we feel sad, anxious, irritable, or tired. When we are feeling the “yucky feelings,” the temptation mounts to eat too much junk food or drink too much beer. Suddenly the idea of checking out in front of the TV becomes increasingly appealing. We may find ourselves shopping for things we don’t really need or want or wasting endless hours mindlessly surfing the internet. These things become increasingly tempting, but they may ultimately make us feel worse.
Just like the Take Care list, the Stay Away List is unique and personal. The things I need to avoid may be the very things that help you. For example, an extrovert may find that getting together with a group of friends recharges them in an important way, while an introvert finds the very same gathering incredibly draining. Perhaps two hours of reality TV will refresh me but leave you feeling even more discouraged and discontent.
The key is knowing who you are and knowing how to best care for your body, heart, mind, and soul. How do your choices impact your mood, health, and overall well-being? What makes you feel better? What makes you feel worse? What things can you add to your life to help you be the person you were made to be? What things do you need to carefully avoid in times of stress or emotional intensity?
Know yourself and know what helps you be the most fully-alive, fully-connected version of yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment