Have you ever found yourself jealous of someone else’s Facebook status? I refuse to believe that I’m the only one this happens to. I read a status about someone’s fancy-pants dinner simmering on the stove, and immediately feel a tad insecure about my plan to yet again pull out Kraft Mac and Cheese. I see that someone is packing for a vacation to someplace tropical, and my irritation with the snow and ice increases. There’s something about those pithy little updates that can quickly garner a rather unattractive reaction from my heart.
Most of us can admit that it’s not just Facebook statuses. At some time, in some way, most of us have experienced major jealousy. I have found that there are two levels of jealousy. There is the sneaky jealousy that creeps in when you quickly (and perhaps unintentionally) compare yourself to others. This type of jealousy usually manifests as quickly passing thoughts, such as “Look at how great her hair looks. I wish my hair looked like that,” or “Why is my car such a beater? Everyone else has such better vehicles.” This kind of jealously is subtle; it slowly and insidiously taints your perception of yourself and your life, sometimes without you even being aware of its presence.
There is nothing subtle about the second kind of jealousy. It is the overwhelming, undeniably terrible feeling that comes when someone else has something you desperately want. Your desire is deep and constant, and the reminder that someone else has what you want is excruciatingly painful. You cannot rejoice in the other person’s good fortune; all you can do is sink into your misery and unfulfilled desire.
Jealousy is a truly horrid feeling. Whether it’s the subtle kind or the obvious kind, it’s terrible. I have yet to talk to anybody who enjoys the experience. It’s unpleasant enough to feel discontent; it’s even worse to feel discontent and find yourself shooting the twin arrows of resentment and bitterness at someone else. Proverbs 27:4 describes it well: “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”
I do not believe that we are powerless over jealousy. First, like any emotion, I believe that jealousy, both subtle and obvious, tells us something, something important. It speaks to deep feelings and desires in our hearts. These desires and feelings can teach us about who we are and reveal important truths about our relationships with each other and with God. Understanding these things about ourselves can show us how to pray, how to reach out to others for help, and how to move forward.
I also believe that part of jealousy’s potency rises from the fact that it is usually kept secret. We very rarely admit our jealousy to another person. Rather, we keep it in, and it festers like a hidden wound. Confessing our jealousy to a trusted confidant defuses some of its power, like air seeping from a balloon. Most of the time jealousy comes from a place of real pain. Some deep desire of our heart is going unmet, and it hurts. Admitting our jealousy forces us to admit to this place of pain. We can then gather up all of our courage and walk into it, allowing ourselves to grieve for what is not. There is often no way around this grief; acknowledging it and accepting it can allow us to let go of the jealousy and deal with what is really there. But we do not have to do this alone, and inviting a friend or counselor to journey with us can make all of the difference.
Gratitude can be another powerful weapon against jealousy. Jealousy turns our attention to what we lack, while gratitude expresses thankfulness for what we have been given. Intentionally focusing our thoughts and minds on what we are grateful for can redirect our attention and reduce jealousy. Perhaps you don’t have a new car and you’re not packing for an exotic vacation. However, there are blessings in your life to be thankful for, and recognizing them can help you change your attitude.
Some final words on jealousy. I think that a lot of times we feel jealous of others because we are trying to be someone we are not. You may look at someone who is outgoing and gregarious and experience jealousy, wishing that you were the life of the party. You may feel jealous when you watch someone sing beautiful or create a stunning work of art. You look at someone else and their temperament or their gifts, and you wish that you could be them instead of you. In these situations, getting rid of jealousy means knowing and appreciating who God made you and what gifts He gave you, and choosing contentment. It’s that ridiculously simple and that impossibly hard.
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