You Are Not Alone

One of my favorite people in the world is hurting right now. I want more than anything to fix it for her. I want to undo the terrible thing that happened. I want to take all of the pain she is feeling and put it into an airplane and then watch that airplane crash into the farthest, deepest ocean. But I cannot do any of those things.


I spent a lot of time this weekend praying for my friend and thinking about how I can help her. What words of comfort can I give her, when there are no words that will fix what broke? And all my thoughts and prayers led me to this: I think the best I can do is to remind my friend that she is not alone.

Pain isolates. It fills us up, seeping like a gas into every nook and hollow of our hearts. It overwhelms us, so that the pain becomes all that we see and experience. Most of the time we can continue going through our days, driving our cars, doing our jobs, carrying on small conversations with those we interact with. But our hearts can so easily become consumed with pain that we buy into the idea that we are alone with it. It’s mano y mano, just me and the pain.

And that is a truly terrible, desperate place to be. Pain seems so much more bearable if you are not facing it alone. It can change everything to know that someone is there with you. To hear that your pain matters, that you matter. To have someone bear witness to your suffering, to carry hope for you when you cannot carry it yourself. It doesn’t take away the pain, and I’m not convinced that it even diminishes it. But it changes it in a significant way.

We all know people who are in pain. And I’m guessing that many of us have felt helpless at some point, deeply desiring to do something to help, but not knowing what that thing should be. There are a million ways that we try to help, some of them very effective. We bake meals, send flowers, write cards. And aren’t all of these attempts to cross the divide caused by pain? Aren’t all of these ways to send the message that “you are not alone.”?

There are beautiful Bible verses about God’s faithfulness, about His constant companionship. For some, hearing these verses can serve as a potent reminder that they are not alone, that they are loved by Someone bigger than the pain. And for others, the pain feels so overwhelming that it seems impossible to sense the presence of a God they cannot physically see or touch or hear. What they need is for someone to stand beside them, physically or from miles away, and to say “You are not alone. You matter and your pain matters.” They need someone to give touch and voice to the One who is there, ever-present and ever-loving. You and I can do that for those we love who are in pain.

If you know someone who is in pain, who is grieving or hurting, there are no magic words. There aren’t even “right words.” There are no simple steps to help or provide comfort. But you are not powerless. Offer your presence, your support, and your heart. Don’t just say, “you are not alone.” Show them. Be there for them and with them. Reach across the gap of pain and grab tightly to their hands.

If you are in pain, let people be there for you. Don’t believe that you are alone in it. You are not alone. Open your heart, accept support, and let someone stand beside you.

You are not alone.