I don’t garden. At all. Not flowers, not vegetables, not berries, not anything. Every attempt I have made at gardening inevitably leads to the death of a living thing. I have quite successfully kept a child and dog alive, so I’m not too worried, but still. I don’t garden.
I don’t sing well. No one will ever ask me to join a choir or help lead worship at church. My two year old seems okay with my version of “Twinkle twinkle little star,” but beyond that most people seem to prefer I keep my singing to myself. I do not sing well.
And this is just the beginning of the list. I could write multiple entries about things that I don’t do or don’t do well. Some of these things are things I could learn to do if I needed to, but I lack any kind of natural aptitude or curiosity for them. I believe gardening falls under this category. Other things I just lack the natural talent for. I wholeheartedly believe that voice lessons could help me out some, but I would never, ever score a record contract. I’m just not a good singer.
I’ve been thinking even more about our tendency to compare ourselves to others and how much pain and heartache it causes us. Last week I wrote about how we compare ourselves to other’s ability to handle life’s obstacles and trials. I think many of us also spend a great deal of time comparing our gifts and abilities to the talents and strengths of others.
There are amazingly gifted people out there. There are people who can cook delicious gourmet meals on a nightly basis. There are people who can do really complicated math in their heads. There are people who can create beautiful works of art. There are people who can learn to speak foreign languages with very little effort. There are amazingly gifted people out there, and it is tempting to look at them and their gifts and wonder why we are so lacking.
It is so easy to compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking. Maybe you do this on a big scale, looking at star athletes, Grammy-winning singers, or successful politicians, and wondering what in the world you are doing with your life. Or maybe you compare on a smaller scale, looking at the other moms in your neighborhood and wondering why your spaghetti sauce comes out of a can and you can’t do such cute crafts.
I believe that by giving into the temptation to compare, we lose. And not only do we as individuals lose something, but our friends, families, and communities lose as well. Because the truth is that we all have gifts. Some of them are shiny and sparkly and obvious, like having a beautiful singing voice. Other gifts are quieter and more subtle, like the ability to patiently and creatively engage a 2 year old for hours on end. But both gifts are needed in our world, and if we compare our gifts and diminish their worth, we may hold back that gift. And then everyone will lose.
We all have unique gifts that we were given. We all have priorities that we choose to live by. We all have struggles and obstacles that we have to overcome. Somewhere these gifts, priorities, and struggles intersect and that is where we live out our days. This intersection will change with the various seasons of life. We can never fully know someone else’s gifts, priorities, struggles, and life season, so comparing is a useless, harmful game. Giving in to the temptation to compare can lead us to withdraw the gifts that we have been given and diminish the worth of what we have to offer.
It’s not easy to stop comparing. One way to begin this process is to think about what you do have to offer. My friend Katie can make absolutely amazing chocolate chip cookies. We are talking really, really unbelievably good cookies. In one season of her life, she very effectively used this gift to bless, encourage, and cheer up many people. Katie also has a beautiful singing voice, the ability to captivate the hearts and minds of the students she teaches, and numerous other gifts. But how much would the world have missed if she hadn’t baked all those cookies? One way to stop comparing is to think about what you do have to offer the world, and boldly and confidently step forward. You may quickly find that you are so busy delighting in this work that you are not distracted by comparisons.
On the flip side, there is also a great deal of freedom acknowledging what you don’t do, or don’t do well. Hence, my public announcement that I don’t garden or sing. Perhaps in some season of life something will change. Maybe I’ll decide I want to learn how to garden. But, for now, there is great freedom in knowing who I am and who I am not, accepting it, and moving forward without comparison.
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